Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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