she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
