I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
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