When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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