remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
