Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
