So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
