if i can run in heels then i can drive
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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