Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
And then he peed in my hair
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