I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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