Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
