the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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