Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
