Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
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