I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
