I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
