how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
