My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
