he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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