Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
