Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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