I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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