if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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