My nipple is on Facebook.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
