you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
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