ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
