Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
