i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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