brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
