the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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