Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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