What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
