When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
