So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
as a side note pls kill me
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