my mouth tastes like poor choices
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
