And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
