Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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