My nipple is on Facebook.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You are a booty call, not a friend.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.