Texts From Last Night

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  (619): View more from California

  I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.

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  (619): I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong. http://tfl.nu/qtfu
  Replies (11) Good night (3522) Bad night (1480)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex

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  (404): I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex http://tfl.nu/l7ka
  Replies (44) Good night (7491) Bad night (812)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried

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  (512): you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried http://tfl.nu/gu6n
  Replies (131) Good night (6269) Bad night (7446)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.

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  (847): she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick. http://tfl.nu/abnm
  Replies (20) Good night (8001) Bad night (1257)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.

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  (541): I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god. http://tfl.nu/ci1f
  Replies (10) Good night (6329) Bad night (950)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK

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  (570): She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK http://tfl.nu/qbz7
  Replies (9) Good night (2882) Bad night (1117)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.

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  (972): I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper. http://tfl.nu/qsqq
  Replies (7) Good night (2201) Bad night (801)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.

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  (914): Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail. http://tfl.nu/7j5r
  Replies (8) Good night (875) Bad night (2546)
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  (619): View more from California

  It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.

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  (619): It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception. http://tfl.nu/8si3
  Replies (11) Good night (2813) Bad night (568)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's

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  (616): Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's http://tfl.nu/uou0
  Replies (12) Good night (911) Bad night (426)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  My vag is like the Sahara

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Ew that's gross.

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  The sad truth. Barren and empty.

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  (267): My vag is like the Sahara (215): Ew that's gross. (267): The sad truth. Barren and empty. http://tfl.nu/3klg
  Replies (9) Good night (342) Bad night (830)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....

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  (250): Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so.... http://tfl.nu/u1xp
  Replies (4) Good night (614) Bad night (282)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.

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  (647): I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes. http://tfl.nu/g99k
  Replies (4) Good night (345) Bad night (825)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.

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  (631): Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less. http://tfl.nu/jxdo
  Replies (1) Good night (496) Bad night (289)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball

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  (205): Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball http://tfl.nu/0g1i
  Replies (5) Good night (342) Bad night (252)

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