After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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