Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
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