My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.