Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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