Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
