She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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