She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
