That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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