My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
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