If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
