Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
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I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
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i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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