Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
