Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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