Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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