I looked at my own cervix.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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