8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
