o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she told me i tasted like america
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
