who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
