i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
