i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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