Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
