is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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