I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
