Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
