I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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