I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
