I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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