I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
