is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
