Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
ok first of all what the fuck
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
