I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
