it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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