I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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