she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
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susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
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Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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