I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
