"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
