I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
