idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
