winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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