Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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