My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
The air was thick with penises
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
