Soap is not a condiment
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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