i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
