No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
