Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Randomize
