You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize