This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my vag is so smooth its legendary
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
My feet surprised me
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