I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
