Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
